In 1944 France, a group of escaped American military prisoners en route to Switzerland volunteers to steal a Nazi V2 rocket warhead for the Allies. Set in Europe during WWII, a group of American soldiers are in the process of being shipped off to military prison for a variety of infractions, ranging from desertion to murder. While they're being transported, a German artillery attack hits the convoy, killing the MPs and enabling four of the prisoners to escape. The group decides their best bet is to head to neutral Switzerland where they can avoid the fighting and prison. As they make their way to what they think will be freedom, they end up volunteering for a commando mission to steal a V2 warhead for the French Underground. Somehow, the team must sneak into the most heavily guarded base in German territory, steal the Nazi's most precious military hardware, and bring it back to the allies without getting arrested again by their own side. If there is any movie that qualifies for the "Spaghetti War" genre, it is definitely The Inglorious Bastards. Action packed, loud explosions, flying bullets, mean unable-to-shoot straight Germans, ace shooting Americans, a dash of humour and romance, this is the ultimate guy flick.<br/><br/>Right from the poster which boasts "Whatever the Dirty Dozen did, they did it dirtier" this film does not pretend to be artistic like Saving Private Ryan or Schindler's List or even classic like The Longest Day or the Bridge on the River Kwai. Nor are there any historic overtones like the underrated classic Operation Daybreak or the under performing A Bridge Too Far. It is just a shoot em up movie that promises loads of action and boy, does it deliver.<br/><br/>Borrowing its plot line from the Dirty Dozen, the film centers on five American military prisoners who are inadvertently rescued when a German plane attacks their transportation. Hoping to make it to Switzerland to escape the remaining years of the war, they become inextricably pulled back into the war where they have to join the Freanch Resistance and the US Army (or Army Intelligence?) for a dangerous mission that will take them right into the lair of the enemy, of course being the Nazis.<br/><br/>The central heroes cannot be more different. There is 1.Bo Svenson who becomes their unofficial leader looking cool in his black leather jacket and who provides the moral backbone and strength of leadership that guides the group;2. Fred Williamson who looks super cool shooting up dumb Germans in the heat of battle while casually smoking his cigar as if it was the most natural thing in the world; 3. the master forger and scavenger obsessed with a nude picture and provides comic relief; 4.a redneck racist always looking for an opportunity to goad Fred Williamson; and 5. a coward with hearing pains who inexplicably turns into a ferocious tiger if only briefly.<br/><br/>I watched this movie in high school on VHS in Nigeria over 20 years ago and can still remember the over glorious, over patriotic but highly enjoyable score. The score is matched by a Sergio Leone type credit that features the movie title colourfully highlighted in big two dimensional letters that covers almost the entire screen, superimposed by silhouettes of somersaulting dying men and the undercarriage of a moving train.<br/><br/>Three scenes stick out in my mind. There is the scene with Fred Willamson with his cigar and machine gun that never runs out of bullets accompanied by a beautiful French Resistane nurse that has only a (luger?) Despite the shortage of arms, and the fact that the duo is vastly outnumbered by well trained and fully armed German soldiers, the duo manages to wipe them out in a guerrilla type of warfare. Poor Nazis.<br/><br/>The second sequence is the stealth penetration of a castle that houses the Nazi military The third sequence and perhaps the most memorable in the movie is the slow motion scene of dying warriors on both sides.<br/><br/>The action sequences may now seem a bit tame compared to nowadays action movies. But despite the implausible plot, unbelievable action scenes, the obvious ripping off of the Dirty Dozen (prisoners compelled to fight, the obligatory African American, the obligatory redneck), this is a hugely entertaining film that will not appeal to your intellect. Just one of those guiltily enjoyable action movies that would appeal to your excitement. Just suspend your disbelief no matter how hard it may seem and enjoy the ride. This film may be from 1978, but it looks at least 10-15 years older than that. You will see an awful lot of German soldiers hurling their weapons in the air as if they were made of plastic and jumping as high as possible while waving their arms. This means they have either been gunned down or blown up by bombs. A single stab wound, a punch or a kick to the face, or a tap to the small of the back with a barrel of a gun causes immediate death or unconsciousness to the fragile enemy Germans. Sometimes the Germans are so in shock at seeing the Americans that they just stand there, waiting to get shot or punched. It's pretty funny, really. The fire scenes are totally unrealistic and look like someone set some toys on fire. I watched the UNCUT EDITION and assume the exploding blood packs used toward the end of the movie were not seen in the original. Take away the blood packs and you got a family film.<br/><br/>The storyline wasn't bad except the part about the German POW who escaped (meaning he didn't like being a POW) and is again captured but sides with the Americans… and the pickpocket who had been in jail so long that his hair had grown hippie length but always had a close shave.<br/><br/>The acting itself was solid and very believable. Other than that, Quel maledetto treno blindato is pretty much like a cartoon. It is an excellent time killer on a rainy Saturday afternoon.
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346 weeks ago